I’ve written this in an Australian accent mate, so that’s the best way to read it.

Strayans have some weird words, mate. More than two syllables gets a bit tricky, so fair dinkum, many words that would take too long to say get boiled down to two syllables, sorry, syllies, usually ending in ‘o’ or ‘ie’. Too easy.

Mushies are what you can have on your burger along with your beetroot, no, they’re not the peas, they’re the fungus. Rego is what you’ve got to do to keep your car on the road. Brissie is up the coast from Sydney and the full name is only two syllies anyway so I’m buggered if I know why they shortened that one, champ. Tassie however makes a lot of sense because that is one long bloody name to be saying when you could be cracking open another stubbie. I’m not even going to bother telling you what a stubbie is, but rest assured that XXXX is not called that because Queenslanders can’t spell ‘beer’, it’s something to do with monks.

You can keep your stubbies in this esky mate, cos I can’t stand warm grog – my mate cracked the shits yesterday and we nearly had a blue because he wouldn’t chuck a U-ey back to the bottle shop for some more ice, even though it was the avo and the eskies were warm and the patties were starting to smell ratshit – he was only being a whinging bastard because he was rooted after a sick night with some Sheilas we met up the whoop-whoop, and he’s a two-pot screamer anyway.

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